Becoming Nothing

I continually say that "God is teaching me" lots over here, but I've not written much about that in a while. Here is a bit about one of those recent lessons. Hopefully it can encourage you a bit, too!

Excerpt from my Journal on March 25th, 2013

...I don't want to be just another casual Christian. I fear this greater than any other thing in life. Not being sold out to you. And I am probably scared about this, because I feel that it is who I am now. I don't share you. I don't. I keep silent so much of my life. And I let my sin nature rule so often. For years, I have had this naive notion that "future Sam" is awesome. She is great. She has it together because she knows what it means to follow her Jesus. She loves him so much that he has perfectly crafted her to show his love, bear his name, and look like Him. For a while, I thought I would meet "future Sam" in Africa. I thought that you just had to get me here, and then she would show up. I would finally exit, stage left. But I'm still here. And I still mess up and I still take control of my life and I fear many things. I can think of two things that I fear most, that seem opposite and yet are inexplicably tied. I fear that I will never do something BIG and GREAT for You, my King. That I will do nothing. And I also fear that I will never learn to be nothing. My greatest sacrifice will be myself, and I am scared that I will never learn how to really lay myself down. I am scared that I will achieve nothing while making myself something. Please don't let me.

Father, "future Sam" is not some figment of my imagination. She is real. And she is who you have created. I am her. You are shedding layers and unveiling me to look more and more like ME. The me you created. The me that reflects You best. You have created this woman whose heart finally cares about the brokenhearted. You have created this woman whose heart mourns the lost, whose heart yearns for the orphans to see justice. You have created this woman who wants to learn to love others well. You have redeemed her soul and you think she is so beautiful. You think she is beautiful in her dependence and her neediness. You think she is beautiful in her stubbornness and determination. You think she is beautiful in her confusion and her uncertainty as she yearns to follow you. And I am her.

Confession: I was scared to live in America

Let's get this straight: I am ridiculous. God has known that for always, I have known it for quite some time, and if you know me at all you probably know it, too. The fact that I can even write this blog about how God had to talk me into America is just some proof.

Excerpt from March 9th, 2013

"Tonight you made me give something up...I had to hand over my resistance to living in America...

Did it really take moving me to Africa to finally accept living in America? Wow, I'm thick headed. I have this fear of complacency that I tie to the 'American Dream.' But the truth is- I can be complacent anywhere...And, if I am truly trying to follow you- then complacency will not be able to take hold of me anywhere. I want to be a bringer of your word WHEREVER you ask me to be!...

So, Lord, take my location. I give this one up- FINALLY. I have been begging for Africa for so long, and now that I'm here I've almost felt like digging in my heels. But that is not what it looks like to follow you ...Gosh I'm feeling so dumb that I even had to learn this lesson. I want to be a herald of Christ. Anywhere you send me. And everywhere you send me."

So, yes it is embarrassing that I can even share this lesson. That I had to even learn it. But, I share it because it speaks directly into where I am- and because I want to ask for your prayers in this place.

I have been learning to trust ever more on God's timing. I need to give my best time to Him first thing in the morning, listen for his perfect timing in daily occurrences, and especially trust in his timing for bigger future things. And through the EMI intern bible study on Habakkuk, I have been learning about how to appropriately question God and wait for His good answer.

He is putting this lesson to the test as I look to July. I have a lot of questions, and a lot of decisions to make coming up in the next few months. As I decide between what companies and cities I might live and work in back in the US, whether or not I should stay on a term with EMI, whether or not to pursue a design career or a construction career, and how long I have to wait to see my family and friends again, God is trying to get me to hand it all over. Let Him decide. Some of these decisions are coming up quicker than I anticipated, so I ask for your prayers that I WILL let Him decide. And that I will know how to ask appropriately, and wait patiently.

Prayer Requests:

-As I make decisions for the future, that I will wait patiently for His guidance

-For Jeffrey, our compound guard. He is currently reading through the Bible that Belinda and I gave him because he has never owned one before! I believe he already knows Christ, but he is so eager to learn and study more. Please pray for his continued understanding.

-The Nsambya children! It has been so cool to see positive changes in their interactions with us, even though it has been just a short time. Pray that we can truly share the love of Christ with them!

Praises:

-The rainy season is starting up, so temperatures are much more moderate! It's so nice!

-Quick answers to prayer! It seems like there is a shorter lead time on prayer answers here...or maybe I'm just crazy.

-The Horne's have arrived! Matt, Kayla, and Micah are settling in to their new apartment. It is so good to see them after first meeting at orientation!

You May be in Kampala If:

-Shopping downtown feels like you won a sweepstakes, because all the clothes range from $0.40 USD- $3.00 USD. Win, win, win!

-You eat starch. All the time.

-You can stop for a fresh chapati and a cold Coke on the way home from a day on the site.

Thank you for your love and support, I'm spoiled!

SForbes

Rwanda

Border Cross #1

9:00pm, Kampala, UG: Our overnight bus leaves the station, right on time! Very unAfrican... Belinda (Aussie), David (USA), Daniel (Kenyan), and I all settle in for the 9+ hour bus ride.

3:30am, Katuna, UG: We bid farewell to Daniel at the RW border as he heads back to his project site in Rukungiri. A few short minutes later, we exit the country without incident! They did not even look at my expired visa, and they were laughing and joking with us. Praise for the nicest immigration officers ever. Downside is that it's really cold here! Apparently it's at high elevation.

4:00am, Gatuna, RW: Immigration officer, "Belinda, where is your visa?" She proceeds to explain how the website stated that Australians can get visas at the border. He says no. You must go back. Across the border, at 4am, by yourself. Americans don't require visas for Rwanda, so David and I are let through without issue. We are the last ones in line, so the three of us wait by the window trying to be humble but asking as many questions as possible. "We are together; we work together; we are sorry; we did not know. Is there anything you can do? Any way she can cross with us?" Immigration officer calls Paulette, our Rwandan contact through eMi. (It is 4am.) Cue fervent praying, "In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, please change this officer's heart! Let her in, Lord, please! Don't make her travel back to Kampala at 4am by herself!!" He hangs up. Still says no. A few more explanatory sentences, and suddenly he asks, "Belinda, do you know that you have made a mistake?" A humble yes, and Belinda and I know. (David took a few more minutes to realize it...) "Since you are traveling together, I will make an exception for you." Our prayers were rapidly answered. All THREE of us made it into Rwanda!

A Day in Rwanda

We finally arrived at the bus park around 6am (RW time) to a glorious sunrise. The drive in through the hills with the sunrise was breathtaking. Rwanda is the country of a thousand hills. And they are all beautiful. At the bus depot we book our return trip, exchange some money, and are then picked up by our angel, Paulette Baraka. She is dear friends with EMI staffers Jeff and Jen Austin. She and her family offered to host us for the weekend, and basically took us in. They hosted an EMI project trip before, and told us that we should feel like we are coming home. Paulette picked us up, brought us home to essentially our own little apartment, fed us breakfast, and gave us a place to shower and relax after a long night's journey.

Paulette's family live in a village called Rugazi, in the Ndera sector, Gasabo district, of the city of Kigali. This weekend is really my first time in an African village. In Uganda my time has primarily been in the city of Kampala or Entebbe. Village life is awesome. Cows, goats, chickens, sheep, and all kinds of crops are everywhere. This place is beautiful, and everyone is so friendly. They are also appreciative of even the slightest effort at language. Here the primary language is kinyarwanda. Also, they are very appreciate of mzungu women. Belinda and I quickly learned the best response to any man's inquiry (regardless of his age) about our relationship status is "Married" or "Spoken for." A more entertaining response would have been "How many cows am I worth?" (Dowrys are paid in cows...) But I was never brave enough to try this one out...

Paulette and her dad took us back into the city of Kigali on Saturday and we visited the Kigali Genocide memorial. Have you seen Hotel Rwanda? It's a true story...and it is difficult to fathom. Especially the fact that this genocide occurred so recently. Paulette was 11 and remembers it well. Her family fled to the Congo during that time. Now, she works with IJM (International Justice Mission) and Gate of Hope (an EMI project) doing counseling and training for sexual violence and trauma victims, like so many suffer still from the genocide. Very cool to hear her story and about her work; but also very sobering and depressing to realize how the great need.

A bit more shopping in the city and then we head back to Ndera. We had some free time to walk around the neighborhood and met some family friends, Jado and Ephraim. Jado and Ephraim are both recent University grads, and they are great guys. After a delicious family dinner, we sat down to tea and also got to share some stories by candlelight (surprise: power went out!) Paulette speaks wonderful English, so she helped translate for most of the conversation.

We had breakfast the next morning with the family, and then walked to church with Ephraim just down the road. The church, planted by Paulette's Dad, meets in the Gate of Hope building. The choir and worship was so fun and the message was kindly translated by a compassionate church member who realized the mzungus were clueless. This was my most "African" church experience to date: vibrant singing, dancing and clapping, and 3+ hour long service. Very cool. 

After lunch, again provided by the most gracious host family EVER, Ephraim took the three of us for a walk to go visit Jado. On the way, we stopped in at a little shop for some fresh bananas, and luckily ducked in right as the rain started. It poured! We were stranded for a little over an hour, and then made the soggy trek down the road to reach Jado's place. He lives on the same compound as Mercy Ministries International. The campus was beautiful, and we spent time just sitting and talking. So much fun talking about culture and about future and who knows what else. It was unique to hear perspectives from people my own age from Rwanda.

After a relaxing and fun afternoon, we walked back to Paulette's home and packed up. It was sad to say goodbye! I felt like I was leaving dear family and friends, even though we had only know each other for less than 36 hours. We had to leave before we got the chance to learn to make Casava bread with Paulette's mom, so we all agreed we will have to come again and learn next time. I pray that I will have the opportunity to visit Rwanda again. And I thank God for the blessing of all the wonderful people I met!

Border Cross #2

7:30pm, Kigali, RW: David, Belinda, and I are terrified for a few moments at the bus depot when they tell us we have the wrong tickets and a guy takes all of our tickets away from us. "Is this what it feels like to be conned? Did that guy just steal our tickets?" But within 10 minutes all is well, and we are safely on the bus back to Kampala. And, almost on time, the bus leaves a little after 8pm!

9:30pm, Gatuna, RW: This time we reach the border at a reasonable hour and it is not yet freezing outside. Shops are open, people are happy. Life is good. Rwanda bids us a kind farewell as we walk the couple hundred feet across the border snacking on mendazi (a yummy pastry...). Yes, I said walk. The bus drops you off at one office, then drives across the border as all of the passengers walk across the bridge. Why aren't the people allowed to get back on the relatively warm bus for the couple hundred feet that the bus has to travel anyway? I don't know. TIA baby.

9:45pm, Katuna, UG: Guess who is working the immigration office tonight? The same "nicest immigration officers ever" as before! Belinda capitalizes and launches into a jovial exchange with our dear friends from two nights before. 3 months visa? No problem. David has a bit of a struggle because his crisp, clean, $50 bill has a smudge on it. Thankfully Belinda has an extra. Why are Africans so picky about clean American money when their francs and shillings can be oily and dirty? TIA. My turn. Falling into step after Belinda, the immigration officer and I have a nice chat about university, and do I do private consulting yet? (I think he almost offered me some work?), and oh you like children (because I smiled at the baby next to me in line), and 3 months visa?
No problem.
And there was much rejoicing. PRAISE THE LORD. And thank you for your prayers.

5:45am, Kampala, UG: Home sweet home. Rwanda was beautiful and such a great experience, but driving back into Kampala felt great. I couldn't believe how comforting it felt to be back in the streets of Kampala. That this place already feels like home after less than two months. Don't worry, Mom, not HOME home. Just sorta home. And THEN, we all went to sleep for a few hours before work.

Praises:
-We all got the maximum time on visas!
-The huge blessing of Paulette, and her family and friends.

Prayer Requests:
-Now it is time to submit a work permit application! As soon as I get my background check back from the US...
-For my focus and stamina this week. We are busy with project design reviews, and finishing up one project design before a project trip to Jinja next week for Amazima and Good Shepherd's Fold!

You May be from Kampala, Visiting Rwanda If:
-It seems really strange that people obey traffic laws
-It seems even stranger that people drive on the right side of the road
-It seems strangest that there is evidence of city planning, there are really clean streets, and there are no street vendors.
-You begin to wonder, is Kigali, Rwanda really in Africa?
-You make it to the village outside Kigali and get many marriage offers for being a mzungu woman. Yes, Rwanda is in Africa.

Blessings!
SForbes

Border Hoppin Bandit

Hey guys, so remember when I promised I would blog more about what the Lord is teaching me? This is not that blog post... Sorry! He is still teaching me and growing me so much... But I thought you lovely people may want an update on my illegality in Uganda.

It's official! I am illegally in Uganda right now. Yesterday Simei went back to immigration and they finally gave him some answers. Well, they gave him one answer: "No." Request denied for my special pass. Which means my case is no longer pending, and my initial visitor's visa expired last week while my case was still processing. 

Time for a border run! Based on my current contract with eMi (Engineering Ministries International), and to allow myself some flexibility with my departure date (in case Mom and Pops want to visit for a few weeks), we decided it would be best to apply for a work permit. But, it takes a while to get things together for a work permit application (a background check, transcripts, my credentials...) so I need to not be illegal...like now.

Guess who loves America? Rwanda does. They let us in for free and don't require visas, so some of the interns and I are going to make a lovely little weekend trip down to Rwanda! We are going to Kigali- hopefully spend an afternoon or so in the city, visit a very cool memorial, and spend some time with a dear family that is friends with eMi staff Jeff and Jen Austin. Leaving probably tomorrow, Friday, on an overnight bus, and staying through Sunday for another overnight bus that brings us back to Kampala by Monday morning/afternoon.

IN SUMMARY:

This maybe sounds a bit disjointed and confusing- because it is. But the long and short of it is that I need to leave Uganda (because I'm here illegally) so that I can re-enter Uganda and get a visitor's visa (and be legal again while we apply for my work permit.) Which means- my greatest prayer request is that I am able to get a 3-month visitor's visa upon re-entry to Uganda.

Praise:
-The Lord is good and he knows what he's doing.

Prayer Request:
-That I get a 3-month visa when I re-enter Uganda
-That my fellow interns all get 3-month visas as well! Otherwise they could end up in my current situation!

You May be in Kampala If:
-You are illegally in Kampala...

Love you all!
SForbes

Another beautiful sunrise from my balcony this week. Sorry if these are getting old...they aren't for me!

Daniel Iya, I, and Matt Lammers. Matt (emi UK intern) got to visit us on his way to his project trip. Yay for reunions!

Interns hanging out and being awesome.

Meggie and I cooking up some grub! Nice chopping, Meggie. 

The old rock quarry is now a pretty lily pond!

Jenny Jackson and Florence asleep at Nsambya this week.

Honeymoon's Over

Thanks to our dear friend: Giardia. He is a little parasite that I am not going to tell you any more about because he is mean and gross. Something I ate or drank introduced me to him. I have been mildly sick the last two days and today he has taken me out of the game completely. Literally flat on my back all day. Thankfully I have plenty of meds and I expect our relationship to end soon.

BUT- otherwise the post title isn't really true. I still love it here and wouldn't be anywhere else. And just to prove it, here is a photo of my beautiful sunrise this morning and then one of the Nsambya kids, that I love, playing yesterday afternoon.

Also, at home right now there is some ridiculous amount of snow- and I'm so thankful not to deal with that! Bring on the sun, equator!

SForbes

One Month In!

Hey everybody!

I have not updated this for a while, and am almost approaching my one-monthiversary in Kampala! I arrived on the 22nd of January.

First, here is the summary of my illegal alien status: I may actually be one in 2 short days. My case is pending with the immigration office though, so my staying in the country should be acceptable. I have applied for a special pass, which is what eMi interns normally do. But they have not liked it since I am in the country for 6 months and the passes only go up to 5 months. However, I currently have a 1-month visitor's visa. 1+5=6 right? Apparently the one month visa counts against my special pass, or something like that. So I may have to apply for a work permit. But those take 2-3 months to process. And it is appearing that I may not get a special pass for that interim 2-3 months, which means I would not be allowed to volunteer during that processing time....
SO, yesterday our office staff, Simei, went to immigration to check on my case. And they told him that they wanted to see me in person. This is an unusual request, and has not historically ended well for eMi. So, Brittany (eMi staff) and Simei and I went to immigration today, a little nervously. After shuffling from the counter lady to a big office guy, we are told to go home. Immigration actually wants to "discuss my fate" with the NGO board, not me. Oops, sorry. Simei will go check again tomorrow, so for now "No news is good news", right? Unfortunately for eMi, some of the regulations for special passes have recently changed, but we are unaware of the specifics. So, I'm not the only one in limbo right now. My fellow conman, Daniel Nyongesa, came up to visit us this week for a little stop in with Interpol to request a background check from Kenya to verify something or other...so on and so forth for his work permit. And the returning interns are in similar boats as myself. Hope I'm not sounding super negative! Really, I'm not too worried. I know that God is totally in control of it all and if he wants us here, this is where we will be. Just a little picture of red-tape Ugandan style!

This is my fellow conman, Daniel Nyongesa. He is super proud of his "farmer" boots in this photo.

In other news, it has been a fun week for relationships! We went over to the Austin's (staff family) house for dinner and testimonies last Friday. We had a good time playing with the kids, eating DELICIOUS food, and then hearing their stories. I just love hearing how God has brought people to this place. His story is always so exciting, and his plan of redemption is so beautiful! Jeff, in particular shared about how when he was working at a youth camp- he was led to The Lord by a 2nd grader. How cool is God?

There's Paul playing with the Austin kids. They built quite a tower!

On Sunday we said goodbye to Anne, Uriah, and Phil as they left for their project trip to Burundi. I miss them already! But that same night we welcomed back the first project team, which included Meggie, David, and Sarah. It feels like I'm never going to get all my roommates back! I miss Anne, but I'm glad to have Meggie home...she makes lots of food for us! Also, I love her. But the food is good. Speaking of food, Belinda and I learned how to make chapati this weekend! Yummy!!

Work is getting super busy! I think I mentioned it in my last post or two, but I am now working on a design project for African Children's Choir in Entebbe, and trying to stay involved with a CM project there as well. If I have time, I may get the chance to help out with the estimating of a project for Cherish Uganda. And in two weeks it looks like the secondary school for Good Shepherd's Fold and Amazima may kick in!

Hopefully I can update some more in a few days- especially in regards to what The Lord has been doing lately. He is teaching me SO MUCH! And I love it.

Praises:
-Project trips! Burundi team #1 returned, and #2 is now there. Another small emiEA team is in Western Uganda this week, and an emiUSA team is arriving in Kampala next week! Yeah yeah!
-Nsambya Babies Home and the Jackson family are such a blessing! Things have been going very well with our volunteering there.
-Meggie, my roomie, and Sarah, my mentor, being home!

Prayer Requests:
-Church group! I'm hoping I'll have the chance to try one out next week!
-Bad news: I got a little homesick this week. I knew this day would come, and it probably means that I love and miss you guys so that's good. BUT, I'm still in the honeymoon stage with African life, so that's a praise! Just missing you all!
-For diligence and focus at work. I am working in a few areas outside of my comfort zone, which is good for me! But it also makes things a lot more challenging some days.

You May be in Kampala If:

It almost looks like a dealership in the States! What!?

-Your 15-passenger van carries, eh, 25 people?
-You make a Ugandan friend one day, and the next, she invites you over to her house! They are way friendlier here than even in the Midwest!
-You eat rice and beans. A lot
-Avocados (as previously mentioned are giant here) are so prevalent that you have a giant tree at your office, where you can pick them up when they fall. FOR FREE. I love free things.

Thank you all for the blessing and encouragement you are to me!

SForbes

Daniel N, Ramadan, and Daniel I. Ramadan is a local who has become great friends with Paul and David, and he has the coolest testimony! I am enjoying becoming his friend, now, too!

This is the road I walk to/from work. I see a view like this about every other day. So pretty!

Illegal Alien?

This is just a quick update to ask for your prayers!

When I first arrived in Uganda at customs in Entebbe, I tried to get a standard visitor's visa for 3 months. They told me I did not qualify since I was volunteering and that I would need to apply for a work permit. So I spent $50 for a visa for one month, which is what is costs to get the usual 3 months....

And then eMi said we would try to get a visitor's pass for me for the remaining 5 months ($100). Simei, one of the eMi staff went today to apply for me. Thanks to his entreaties, they did not deny it! Hopefully I will be able to get a special pass. But they again said that I would likely need to apply for a work permit ($250). The cost is not my largest concern, but it is frustrating to continue to pay more than what others have before me. 

So please just be praying for something to work out in the next week! My original one-month visa runs out on the 22nd (I think). And the processing of a request can take time. So just keep that in your prayers!

Thanks all!

SForbes

(And now, some pictures from Nsambya Babies Home. Today was so fun with them!)

This is Peter.

That's Bri and Lockey Jackson with the kids

Dan decided to make a funny face for the picture. He normally smiles

Florence was a skilled builder with the Jenga blocks!

Moses giving the house kitty some love.

This is John.

That's Maddie Jackson with the kids

Daniel's expression is priceless here. He's the one in overalls...